A love letter to my daughters

My darling daughter,

You are just starting to explore your desire to be loved and known by a young man. As a teen, your heart is starting to flutter at the idea that someone notices your beauty and wants to hold your hand.  I see your desire to feel special by someone outside of your family. You question the authenticity of your family’s love for you, wondering if it’s out of some kind of obligation. 

I watch you spend time carefully crafting your outfit each day, swiping color onto your face, and styling your lovely locks all in hopes to draw attention from a certain someone in the school hallway.  After all, It is almost Valentine’s day.  Maybe the flowers delivered to your class this year won’t be from mom, dad or your bestie.  You’re holding onto a hope that you’ve been noticed and the card tied to the rose will read, “love, your secret admirer.”

My sweet girl, I remember those longings and the season of crushes. I remember hoping for a crush to become something more.  I know how lonely it feels walking alongside the friend who has the boyfriend. She seems to have all that she desires.  You wish you didn’t but you can’t help comparing yourself to her. You sit on the bench and wonder from the sidelines, am I enough? Could anyone know and love the real you?  You question your worth based on this world’s idea of beauty and you conclude that there must be something wrong with you.  You start to allow others’ opinions of you to shape how you see yourself OR even deeper, begin forming a broken identity. 

What culture says love is.

Love is the most misunderstood and misrepresented emotion in our culture. It’s viewed as a simple feeling of goodness towards another person. But underneath that surface lives other messages: Love is earned. It’s only for the deserving. Love has conditions. Images across social platforms sends the message that you’ll be loved when you fit into a certain size of jeans. Or have whiter teeth.  Or carefully styled hair with a flawless face.  You are loved when your post receives thousands of likes or views or you reach a certain number of followers. 

Another message: Love is affirmed by performance.  Your report card grades reflect you’re an “A” and those around you celebrate your accomplishments.  You show up on the court and longing to be seen, you’re pushing for the highest points . Your team praises you with high fives all around. You take center stage, singing your heart out and at the end, smile at the applause of the crowd.  All this confirming for you that love comes as a result of what you do.   

And just when you learn that love can be earned, you learn love can be lost. It’s lost when you slip up from perfection and disappoint those around you.  Love is withdrawn when you hurt others or they hurt you.  You feel punished for making mistakes. It seems like the best way to deal with the pain is to put up a wall and keep love out.  

A greater Love

But darling, I want you to know that love from the world isn’t the kind of love that is offered by the Father.  The Father has declared His love for you by how He created you and by how He sacrificed His son to be with you.  That desire to be known?  It was put there by the Father so that you would return to Him and allow Him to tell you about your true self. 

“I shaped every part of you, inside and outside, while you were in your momma’s belly. I made you and I declare that all I make is wonderful.  Nothing about you is a secret to me.  You were known before you lived a single day and you are known in the days to come.” Psalm 139:13-16  (my paraphrase)  

He whispers to you that you ARE beautiful because you were made by your Creator.  He has formed you with such tenderness, shaped you with skilled hands. The master Potter. He considers you His masterpiece, a work of art with greater value than you could possibly imagine. He sees you, His magnificent creation, and declares that you ARE good!

His love for you isn’t based on how you perform for your teachers or friends or an audience or even your family. The Father isn’t keeping a running tally of all the good things you have done. He isn’t criticizing you or keeping a record of every mistake.  He has no expectations of perfection from you.  His one Son was perfect and that perfection existed for us all to be welcomed into His family.  There is no baseline criteria for you to meet. His love is lavished on you. 

Experience His love

Instead, there is a simple request:  Open your heart to believe.  Hold out your hands and receive.  Put away the masks that you’ve been trying on.  He knows the real you.  Look away from the media that distracts and deceives you. Release the expectations of others. Turn your face upward to the Father who has a love letter written just for you.  He doesn’t just notice you, He is captivated by you.  He doesn’t give you flowers that will wilt within a few days.  The beauty of His entire creation is available for you to enjoy.  His words of love aren’t temporary or fleeting feelings.  He isn’t fickle.  His word sings of His deep love for you that endures forever.

While the world celebrates Valentine’s day, I long for you to experience real love. I long for you to experience Jesus as your first love.  I know that when you receive the Father’s love, you’ll know who you are and who you belong to.  A love that reassures you that you are enough. You are worthy. You’re a precious treasure.  You were made as a unique reflection of Him to the world. 

Sweet girl, you are more than my daughter.  You are HIS beloved daughter.