Untangling weeds of lies to reveal true beauty.

As I wandered towards the driveway after my morning walk, sweaty from the summer heat, I saw the arrival of the vibrant colored blooms on the Purple loosestrife plant. They lured me in for a closer look at their beauty.  My eyes caught on a vine that had woven its way around several of the purple blossoms.  I started pulling on the vine, intent on uprooting this weed.  When I yanked, it broke off above my hand, still attached to the blooms!  The weed had wrapped itself around the length of the plant so tightly, it wouldn’t come off in one piece.  It required unraveling it gently, preventing damage to the plant. 

It was tedious work, untangling this weed from the blossoms.  They were so intertwined that if I pulled with too much force, the purple blooms would break off with it! I worked diligently from top to bottom until that strong, confident weed was gone.  But, looking closer at the base of the plant, several tiny vines were springing up with the intention to latch onto the strength of the plant. I yanked those too! I stood back, pleased with my de-weeding, and heard a whisper, “this is how a lie overcomes the beauty of truth.”

Lies entangling the heart

When you choose to speak a lie, you are fully aware that what you are saying to the other person is untrue.  

When you receive a lie, you may not be able to discern whether it’s a lie. Instead, you receive it as truth.  

This is the way a lie about how we are seen or known finds a place to settle under the surface of our heart.  It starts as a small vine and as another lie nourishes it, it grows. Wrapping itself around the beauty of who you are and are becoming, it attempts to choke out the goodness of your original design.  The lie can become so entangled with your true identity that it takes a time and intentionality to unravel it from your heart.  If you were to rip it out too quickly, it has the potential to cause more damage to the beauty beneath.  

The Master Gardener

We have a gentle Father, who created the original garden.  He’s a master gardener.  Able to identify the weeds that have tangled themselves up in His creation.  Among His daughters.  His prized sunflowers and lilies.  His lilacs, hydrangeas, and daisies.  His scattered wildflowers and bundles of roses.  All uniquely made by His hand, given a fragrance and planted where He knows they can open up under the warmth of the Son. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty, messing around in the soil where the lies take root.  He enjoys untangling the weed knowing the beauty that lies beneath.  He wants His daughters to be fully who He created them to be. Unhindered. Bursting forth with the color that He had in mind before they even came to life. 

In my middle years of adulthood, God has been slowly detaching a lie that started in my childhood.  I say middle years because I’m not always sure how to describe this stage of life.  I’m not old but….older.   Here’s the lie: “You are fat”. 

One little lie

As a 10 year old girl, I completely believed this to be true.  It started with a thought that dropped into my mind in the middle of a family dinner.  We were visiting my grandparents in North Carolina, which we only did every other year.  I have a large extended family: 8 aunts and uncles and 20 cousins!  Some of my extended family went out to eat at a local restaurant where we filled a large, rectangular table.  My grandparents sat on one end while I was seated somewhere on the opposite end. 

The wait staff had brought out baskets of hush puppies.  If you’ve never had a southern hush puppy, it’s a savory treat.  It’s a cornmeal-based ball of deep-fried deliciousness.  These particular hush puppies were on the sweet side and after biting in, I knew I would have another. As I reached into the basket for seconds, I heard my grandmother loudly state, “I don’t think you need another one of those.”  In my 10 year old body, I felt like the entire family turned to look at me with disgust.  I was embarrassed and humiliated as I quickly pulled back my hand,  the hush puppy still in it. Shame settled over me like an uncomfortable, itchy coat. I didn’t want to wear it but also felt like I had no choice. I took one bite and couldn’t eat anymore because what I heard and believed was, “You are fat.”

Growing lies

That little lie transformed into a strong truth that held as I grew into a teenager and then, young woman.  I fought never-ending battles in my mind about what size clothes I wore in comparison to my friends.  I hated shopping for formal dresses to wear to high school dances, knowing I’d never find something in the Juniors section and would end up in the women’s department.  I’d be overcome with sadness and then eat to make myself feel better.  I wouldn’t know until much later that it was called emotional eating.  I fell into a pattern of pushing down sadness, shame, and stuffing my feelings with food.  

Lies tend to get stronger if they aren’t broken off early.  This one gained strength when I struggled to develop any kind of boyfriend relationship.  In college and my early 20’s,I ran through a cycle of guys who “just wanted to be my friend”.  In the deep parts of my heart, I attributed this all to mean I wasn’t attractive enough.  I was this girl that guys would open up to, creating emotional intimacy, and then, when I was brave enough to share my own heart, would experience deep rejection when feelings weren’t mutual.  Cue the story line that was already running rampant in my head: who could love this fat girl?

Thankfully, God gifted me with a husband who loves every bit of me. When we were dating, he was generous with his compliments about my physical beauty and he celebrated the gifts that he saw in me. He still does! He advocated for and encouraged parts of my heart that been dormant through years of hurt.  God used him to tend to some of the weeds needing to be pulled out of my thought patterns.

Blooming in truth

As I made the turn into my 40’s, I began to receive a greater understanding of God’s love for me.  He began to impart the simple truth that I was beautiful to Him. That when He looks at me, He doesn’t see me in the same way I view myself. His lens isn’t the same as the one we, in our humanness, view one another.  And, He doesn’t think I’m beautiful because He can look beyond my body and into my heart.  He says I’m beautiful because I’m His creation.  He made me.  Every part of me.  From the dimples in my cheeks to the dimples on my thighs.  I’m His.  And He looks at what He created and says, You’re beautiful. 

And I believed it.  

It transformed me.  From the inside out.  When I had the desire to feel better in my body, I started a weight loss journey.  It wasn’t because I was ashamed of my body.  I just didn’t feel like my truest self in that body.  I had grown up with other lies: “You’re big boned” and “You’ll never be able to be a size __ or weigh ____.”  When I started losing weight, I couldn’t remember when I had weighed under 135 pounds. My best guess was middle school! 

Freedom

But, freedom on the inside brought freedom to my body.  A year of consistency, learning how to fuel my body with healthy food and continuing to run my usual miles and I felt free. I lost 40 pounds.  Reaching my goal weight of 127 pounds.  I knew it wasn’t just all the work I had put in around nutrition and exercise but God untangling the numerous lies that I had believed about myself through those years of development.  My heart and my mind were free to rest in His love.  Now, my body is too.

What is the lie or, maybe even, the tangled mess of lies that have held you hostage to a belief about yourself?  What does God really say about who you are?  He has such love for you, my friend.  When His gaze rests on you, He sees your beauty and will stop at nothing to see you free from the lies choking out the true you!